Twisted Purpose

Hello everyone!

As you can see, it's been months and months since I posted anything and that's because some very strange things have been going on in my life. Things that are so strange they've led me to question all my plans and my dreams and my hopes.

At this point in time, for example, I'm not in Texas as I had planned to be. I'm in London.

Yes, London.

Now you might not think that's too weird. After all, I'm London-born and like to visit home frequently. Why shouldn't I be back in the mother city for Christmas?

Except that I didn't plan on being here, don't have the money to be here, and don't even want to be here at this time.

It's all gone pear-shaped.

The good news is, of course, that I get to see all my friends and family and catch up on lots of news. One of my friends who I saw yesterday I hadn't seen in five years, and another I hadn't seen in eight! So that was lovely.

However, the twisted turns of fate have left me bemused and disturbed. I mean, what is going on? Why am I here? What is my purpose?

People keep asking me what my plans are and I've found myself at a loss of what to tell them. All my plans for the last year have gone belly up. All my plans for the next year have gone belly up too, thanks to this trip to London which might well extend into spring. Planning is futile because whatever my plans are, HIS plans are what happen and HIS will is what is done.

I wish he'd just tell me what he wants. What is it I'm supposed to do? I'm trying and trying but without some kind of clue from him it's hard to get a grip on my purpose. Yet still I try.

It's like I'm writing a song when what he really wants a sonnet. But why doesn't he just tell me he wants a sonnet? Why the subtefuge and underhanded tricks and blunt force trauma?

I'm no good at sonnets.

I know I'm supposed to be writing. But what am I supposed to write? Where? Why does he keep moving me around? I can't seem to stay in one place for more than a few months before HE decides to send me gallavanting across the globe. I tell him I can't afford it but does he listen?

Maybe he's telling me but I'm not listening. Maybe I've got wool in my ears.

I bought some cotton buds the other day and cleaned my ears out, just in case.

Meanwhile, I've been reading and reading, trying to find a clue of what I'm doing here. Who knows, maybe I'll figure out how to write a sonnet. I've got to try.